…in my dreams. Isn’t that really odd?
The worst part was it was Dan Akroyd in his current mean faced husky look too! I thought I would at least connect having sex
with him in a Ghostbusters suit, but no he was in full tux with wildly scattered hair. “Mary Moooooeeeeee-o-o-o she’s
a vegetarian *chorus* Mary Moe, Mary Moe….” Why is this early 90’s beat by Deadeye Dick stuck in my head
while I’m reflecting on a dream about having sex with Dan Akroyd? What this all means is BOYS DRIVE ME CRAZY!
That’s all I could assume because I’m sure going through some boy trouble‘s’ in
my life right now. I’m single and I was telling my girlfriends that it’s been sooooo long since I was even lucky
enough to give a blow-job!!!! **note to horny men**please don’t send any offers they will be deleted!
Well I had an action-packed two days to make up for the boy dilemmas. These eventful two days are based
upon one experience and that was at Hooters Long Island, NY! I did a shoot with my photographer, Patrick, and after the shoot
I joked that I was going to go to Hooters for dinner since it was a couple blocks away from the shooting location. I guess
I was half joking and half serious because when he asked if wanted to go together I was all “smiles!” Now there
are always your ups and downs about going to Hooters. The Perks; you legitimately remember your waitress by her boobs or butt,
rather than her face or hair style. The Downsides; if you go with me we’re more than likely going to get a flat chest
waitress (I’ve discovered the past three Hooters girls I’ve had serve me had smaller tits than me). Well Patrick
and I went to Hooters and the split second I walked in the door everyone turned and looked at me as if I was Carrie getting
red paint poured over her head! Only one of the girls that seemed to be pretty outgoing screamed, “ohh my god girl I
love your shoes! I got a shoes fetish!” I laughed and thanked her for the flattering remark. I guess I was looking banging
just coming out of a shoot, wearing my new tan Guess high heels from the shopping spree, tight dark Ann Taylor denim jeans,
and a cleavage revealing shirt to stir the other “girls”. All and all I had a good experience because I grew some
balls and tried hot spicy wings for my first time. Now I love mild or no flavor wings, but seeing I was the spiciest thing
to walk in there today I decided to be a badass and get the “3 mile high” flavor wings! HOLY SHIT! The instant
drip from my mouth and nose made me realized I might have gotten into something over my head-even the photographer was hesitant
to try it first. I looked at the wing and SHOVED it in my mouth. My tongue was stinging my eyes started watering, but my mouth
kept chewing and I realized my left hand was near the bowl in the hunt for my next victim. So that is officially something
I’ve never tried that I’m now in love with! I recommend you try the ‘3 mile high’ wings and think
of me! I also was lucky enough to get served my favorite sandwich and some Key Lime pie for dessert As we left the restaurant Patrick got me a kids size Medium Hooter
T-shirt with Long Island written on it to commemorate my experience. I love the shirt because it black and orange logo and
it would match perfectly with a Mossy Oaks long sleeve shirt underneath!!! HAHAHAHAHAH here is a quote from the email I get
from Patrick later that evening….
“You made my whole week. Thanks so much for
dinner; I doubt I'll ever make a whole room full of Hooters girls jealous on my own.”
Okay but the story gets even better, seriously it does…..The next day I wake up, put on my new
Hooters-T with a smile, and get a call from my girlfriend Nikki that she wants to go shopping and get bondage supplies so
we can rope each other up this week. We decided to smoke a joint together and come up with ideas to share about how we wanted
to tie each other up, how we would do it, how much pain can you handle, yadda yadda. The conversation was getting hot and
kind of stony so we decided we can’t talk forever and we have to go buy the rope together-even if it does look odd.
Both stoned and giggly, we walk into the crowded store. As we are beginning to stroll the first ten feet
through the door, a very young girl bolts out of line and runs arms wide open toward Nikki and me. The girl stops looks me
square in the eyes and at the top of her lungs, her young high pitch voiced screams HOOTERS, and points at my chest. Holy
shit Nikki is in shock and I’m getting the giggles plus this youngin in jumping up and down yelling Hooters over and
over again. Her mom commands her back, and the young girl starts conversing with me that her and her brother got the same
Hooters-T’s too from their Dad. This girl is yelling all this at the front of the store, while EVERYONE in line is staring
at us, I look at the mom- she’s embarrassed from the last comment made and is trying to calm this young Hooters fan
down. Nikki and I were just shocked how excited this chick got over my shirt. I have to admit I felt pretty cool for a moment
that the whole store got to see my cool shirt but damn the girl wouldn’t stop yelling about Hooters even after the mom
pulled her away from me. We continued to shop but it was just really a childish fun shopping trip after that, I guess that
young girls’ attitude helped us loosen up about our worries of looking odd together purchasing the rope, leashes and
dog collars.
Ohh yea I got this as a gift, and Nikki asked what
the fuck was wrong with me for having it hanging in my car.
My answer….
Although
I’m a big fan of Buddha, I just like the way Jesus smells.
